I was not sure I would be able to speak today and I am going
to have to ask you to be patient with me, because I have never done this before
and no one should be good at this. But I
could not let y’all walk out of here and not know what Lucinda McFetridge was
like as a mother. So on behalf of her girls I want to tell you a little bit
about her.
She made no secret of the fact that my sister and I were her
proudest accomplishments, if not her greatest heartbreaks. Because those of you with children know that
they will break your heart. And they are
supposed to – if you do it right, they feel so much love and confidence and passion
for life that they leave you and go out and make their own way. I know my mother missed my sister and me
every day and she lived to hear our voices on the phone and was always standing
at the airport with the biggest smile whenever planes arrived. It made her sad when we left and I know she
cried.
But she was so proud of who Adriane and I had become – and not just our
career successes, which she often bragged about, so I have no doubt y’all know
more about us than we do! She was proud
because we did get on planes and go.
At 22 she got on her first big plane trip to Hawaii as a new
bride and my dad just told me this week how terrified she was of that. She never wanted us to feel that way – she
wanted us to seize life and tame it to our desires.
And we did.
My mother gave me that gift and many others – and not just
my good looks :). She taught me to love
animals, music, languages and cooking.
Even gravy, which God knows Adriane and I struggled with – even calling
her on Thanksgiving in the middle of the night in Indonesia to walk us through
how to turn greasy caulk into something edible. (Turns out you can’t!)
She taught me to never walk and smoke. (back when we all did – smoke that is!) Or wear white before Easter, after
Labor Day or at someone else’s wedding.
Or open your own door or change your own tire if there is a man there to
do it! (and there always is – you may
have to wait a while in front of a closed door, but one will turn up eventually. I am still waiting!)
Most importantly, though, she taught me how to
love. With everything you have. Not everyone saw that, but if you are someone
who has the capacity for that kind of boundless generosity and vulnerability,
you need to be careful on whom you bestow it.
Cats are always a good choice though. :)
But there are things she never managed to teach me. Primarily
how to budget! Or how to cook without Crisco or butter. How to pump gas.
Or how to face the rest of my life without her as my go to
when my heart is breaking or my world is feeling small and painful.
But,today should not be about that. You may have noticed that I am wearing a
party dress, with sparkly shoulder pads.
And you may have thought that odd, but my mom helped me plan my 40th
birthday party back a few months ago and she bought me this dress to wear to
it. She loved that she got to be a part
of that and I wanted her to get to see me in it and to remind people that this
IS a party.
Now we won’t have done it as well as my mom would have,
because y’all know she could throw a party.
But we will have too much food and even more alcohol and we need to take
this time to celebrate what she meant to each of us.
Tomorrow we can wake up and learn how to go on without
her. But, today, let’s keep her close
and rejoice in how we lived with her.
