Happy Halloween y’all - the festive season is upon us! And, do I ever love the holidays – the apple crisp, smoky leaf and cinnamon bite of cooler days and cold nights. Foggy breath mornings and fireplace nights…and all the parties: Halloween, Bonfire Night, Thanksgiving and Christmas. And, what’s the best part about the holidays? The tradition. Yep, I’m a sucker for tradition. Which y’all might think is odd, because I can’t seem to stay in one place long enough to create my own. (Course if I did, I’d have to rename this blog Neighborhood Dropper. Not quite the same ring, methinks)
So, the more I think about it, the more I don’t need to stay in one place to honor my Texas traditions. So long as I have my Texas shaped cake pan, Better Homes and Gardens red-checked cookbook and a steady supply of Crisco, pecans and marshmallows, I can whip up any tradition I need.
But, I digress! Because here I am, living the dream in the UK. And you would think that you couldn’t get more traditional than the UK. I mean, this was an empire, right? It still has a monarchy, old homes, castles and churches that date back hundred and thousands of years and has at any given time at least one period drama as one of the highest ranking television shows.
So, when the subject of Halloween came up at work, I asked my colleagues at work what their plans were – none of them had any. If they had a Halloween plan at all, it was to paint some fake blood and gore on their face and go. This is not what Halloween is about. We, Texans, know what it is really about, right? Yep, candy.
And LOTS of it.
Who doesn’t remember counting the days until you got to bring home the mother-load, only to sort through it by quality: mini-fun bars of Snickers at the top, do-gooder toothbrush/floss combo at the bottom. And, don’t even get me started on the people who give out apples. The best thing that ever happened to Halloween was that urban myth that lunatics were putting razor blades in apples – never really happened, but it saved us from mushy, bruised, space hogging apples. (I mean just think how many more mini-fun bar you can fit in the space one apple takes up – and don’t even get me started on how heavy those mofos were.)
And, of course, Halloween just kicks off the many months of the smorgasbord known as the holidays…just about when you finish your last few sad bit-o-honeys, chick-o-sticks and cheap Tom’s candy style rejects, there is Thanksgiving time!
Mmm, turkey, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, cranberry sauce, pecan pie, rolls and pumpkin pie. Yep, it is all about the food….and then just a few days later, you guessed it - Christmas parties begin. And the best Christmas party traditions? Cookies! Both for Santa and also the time honored tradition of the cookie exchange party. Fudge, divinity, iced sugar cookies in tree and reindeer shapes, peppermint candy cane cookies…the list goes on!
And, I’m pretty sure I just gained 5 lbs thinking about that.
(BTW, I gave up drinking for a while in a bid to lose weight. Didn’t lose a pound. Decided I’d rather be fat than bored. Bring on the mulled wine and egg nog.)
So, it’s starting to look like tradition is just code for food. At least in Texas, that is.
Because tradition and food in the UK? Not so much. Let’s take the quintessential tradition of all traditions – high tea. Now, you might think that’s about food. I mean the title does seem to indicate that there is at a minimum, some drinking going on. But what do you get to accompany said tea? Cucumber sandwiches? With no crusts? Is that even food?
And, the highlight – scones with clotted cream and strawberry jam. Well, let me tell you, this is just a fancy way of sayin’ dry biscuits with jelly. (Note: the cream is just to make it a little less dry) If you’re lucky they might throw a few raisins it. I mean, really.
And, speaking of dry, let’s just talk about Christmas pudding – this is a completely foreign concept to me. Somehow it starts with suet (I don’t even know what that is, but I think it is some kind of a pork fat thing. Oh wait. I think I am just confusing that with Sooey. Damn those Arkansas Razorbacks.) But, I digress.
So, start with suet a month in advance and add some brandy and more raisins (what is up with the raisins? I mean, c’mon on, they are just dried out grapes. Chocolate chips; now that is a dessert additive. Not raisins. Those need to stay in the little red box and 8 year olds’ lunch sacks). Anyway, somehow once Christmas arrives you get, wait for it…dry fruit cake. That you add more cream to – only this time it is at least called custard and has some sugar in it. Woo hoo. Gettin' crazy at Christmas!
And, what about the mother of all festivities -- weddings? What is more widely known than the taste of a triple tiered buttercream white wedding cake? So widely recognized and appreciated, I have owned candles and drunk martinis that are wedding cake flavored. YUM. Guess what you get at a British wedding? Yep. Dry fruit cake. This time with a thick sheet of, well, I won’t even call it icing, because it has the consistency of marzipan. But, regardless, dry fruit cake all the same.
Am I the only one seeing a trend here?
And, it’s not just holidays and festivities. Let’s take sports for example. What comes to mind when you think of baseball? Hot dogs, beers, peanuts. And, cricket?
Well, honestly, I got nothin’. At least at Wimbledon, there’s pimms and strawberries with cream. (Again with the cream?) For those of you who’ve never been fortunate enough to sample pimms, it is pretty much a minty cucumber and fruit salad in a cup with seven up and some mildy alcoholic fruity syrupy stuff. Sold? Yeah, not me either. If I am going to take in 200 calories a cup, I better get a buzz off it. And, I’m not talking sugar high.
But, if you’ve been reading my blog for a while, you will know that drinking is actually pretty central to most traditions in the UK . Now, the pimms and tea prove that it doesn’t have to be alcohol related. Of course, let’s not forget the hub of every village is the local pub. I need not remind y'all what you do in a pub. I mean there is a TV show called Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps – clearly, the dinner of champions. (I can only imagine if you tried the Texas version – two longnecks and a bag of fritos. Not quite the same ring to it.)
And, if you had to pick a hub for a small Texas town, traditionally, it would have been the church. And, before, you think “Aha! That isn’t about food!”….just think about one of the big draws of church….the post Sunday service potluck, the cake walk and bake sale fundraising efforts and coffee cake prayer groups. I mean, I so much as hear a hymn and my mouth starts watering for fried chicken. …
And, luckily for me, I get to combine that with my favorite British traditions …..the liquid kind.
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